Courage: The Virtue That Precedes All Others 💪

"I am lost," I whispered to the universe, "and I don't know who I am becoming." This was my first honest prayer after years of pretending.

Courage isn't about being fearless. It's about facing the parts of yourself you've been hiding, even from yourself.

The Roots of Survival 

For years, dishonesty was my survival mechanism. It wasn't malicious - it was adaptive. Growing up, I learned that telling the truth meant vulnerability, and vulnerability meant getting in trouble. So I became an expert at telling people what they wanted to hear, at creating versions of myself that would be accepted, protected, understood. I also said what I needed to to get the resources I needed for survival..ahem I was in sales for a long time. 

But survival tactics aren't living. They're just elaborate ways of staying small.

The Shame Underneath 

What I didn't understand then was how deeply my lying was rooted in shame. Shame is a silent predator that lives in the shadows of our experiences. It whispers that we are fundamentally unworthy, that if people saw our true selves, they would reject us. So we lie. We hide. We create elaborate masks to protect ourselves from that deepest fear of being seen as we truly are.

Breaking free from this cycle requires something profound: an empathetic witness. Someone who can hold space for your most vulnerable truth without judgment, without trying to fix you, without turning away.

The Healing Power of Being Seen 

It takes extraordinary courage to shine a light on the parts of ourselves we've kept hidden. Imagine sitting across from someone, a therapist, a trusted friend, a mentor, and allowing yourself to be fully seen. To speak the things you've been terrified to admit. To expose the wounds you've been protecting.

This is not for the faint of heart!

To sit with your shame, to name it, to look it directly in the eye - this is perhaps the most courageous act of human vulnerability. It requires trusting that you are more than your worst moments, more than the stories you've told yourself to survive.

Relearning Honesty 

Honesty isn't just about not lying. It's about being true to yourself first. It means admitting when you're wrong, acknowledging your fears, and speaking your truth even when your voice shakes.

I had to learn to be honest with myself before I could be honest with others. That meant facing uncomfortable truths: about my motivations, my fears, my patterns of behavior.

The Practice of Courage 

Courage isn't a destination. It's a daily practice. Some days, it looks like:

• Admitting when you don't know something
• Saying no when something doesn't align with your values
• Acknowledging your mistakes without making excuses
• Showing up authentically, even when it's easier to hide

The Cost of Authenticity 

Being honest isn't always comfortable. It means losing relationships that were built on pretense. It means standing alone sometimes. But the alternative - living a life that isn't truly yours - is far more painful. Read Radical Candor by Kim Scott for more on this.

Unlearning to Relearn 

The greatest act of courage is unlearning the survival strategies that no longer serve you. For me, that meant dismantling the elaborate defense mechanisms I'd built over years. It meant understanding that the safety I thought these mechanisms provided was actually a form of self-imprisonment.

A Different Kind of Strength 

Courage isn't about being tough. It's about being vulnerable. It's about having the strength to be soft, to be real, to admit when you're struggling. It's about creating space for healing, for understanding, for compassion, first for yourself, and then for others.

Conclusion 

To anyone in the midst of their own transformation: be patient with yourself. Unlearning takes time. Honesty is a muscle that gets stronger with practice. Your courage is not in being perfect, but in being willing to keep showing up, keep growing, keep becoming more authentically you.

The path of courage is not about grand gestures. It's about the small, daily choice to be real. It's about trusting that you are worthy of being seen, exactly as you are.