The Body Knows First: Navigating Emotions

Your body constantly scans for safety and danger—it has done this since before humans developed language. This ancient wisdom, which neuroscientist Dr. Stephen Porges mapped in his Polyvagal Theory, shows we move through three distinct neural circuits throughout our day:

Ventral Vagal (connected, calm, social)
Sympathetic (fight-or-flight, activated, anxious)
Dorsal Vagal (freeze, disconnect, shut down)

None of these states inherently counts as "bad"—they represent adaptive responses that have kept humans alive for millennia. The problem arises not from the states themselves but from our tendency to get stuck in mobilization (sympathetic) or immobilization (dorsal vagal) when actual safety surrounds us.

From Thinking to Feeling: A Paradigm Shift

Many of us learned that the route to well-being runs through our thoughts: "Just think positive!" "Change your mindset!" While cognitive approaches serve important purposes, they often fall short when activation takes over our nervous system.

Why? Because sympathetic activation or dorsal shutdown prevents the thinking parts of our brain (neocortex) from fully functioning. We must first engage in bottom-up regulation—signaling safety to our bodies—before top-down cognitive strategies can work effectively.

The Body-First Approach to Emotional Regulation

Here's how to put Polyvagal Theory into practice:

1. Develop Nervous System Awareness

Start by noticing your physical cues:

Does your heart race or beat calmly?
Do you breathe shallowly or deeply?
Do your muscles feel tense or relaxed?
Does your voice sound strained or full?
Do you feel connected or distant?

This awareness helps you identify your current state so you can respond appropriately.

2. Build a Personal Regulation Toolkit

Different states require different tools:

When in Sympathetic Activation (Fight-or-Flight):

Extend your exhales (try 4-count in, 6-count out breathing)
Place one hand on your heart, one on your belly
Use movement to discharge energy (walking, shaking, stretching)
Apply gentle pressure (weighted blanket, firm hug)

When in Dorsal Shutdown (Freeze):

Move rhythmically and gently to awaken the body
Hum or sing to activate the vagus nerve
Drink warm beverages or apply warmth to the back of your neck
Engage in light, manageable social contact

3. Create Environments That Signal Safety

Our surroundings profoundly affect our nervous system:

Organize your space to minimize visual chaos
Include comforting scents
Play music with rhythms slower than your heartbeat
Surround yourself with supportive people
Create predictable routines your nervous system can rely upon

The Inner Conversation: Befriending Your Emotional Experience

As Ethan Kross explores in Chatter, how we talk to ourselves about our emotions matters deeply. During activation, our inner voice often becomes our harshest critic.

Try these approaches:

Use your name when talking to yourself (this creates healthy distance)
Talk to yourself as you would a dear friend
Ask "what" questions instead of "why" questions ("What do I need right now?" vs. "Why do I feel so upset?")
Remember that emotions visit temporarily, not reside permanently

Bringing It All Together

True emotional regulation doesn't involve controlling or eliminating feelings—it involves developing the capacity to feel fully while maintaining connection to yourself.

The path unfolds like this:

Notice your state without judgment
Offer your body cues of safety
Engage with your emotions from a regulated place

This month, I invite you to experiment with feeling your way through rather than thinking your way out. Your body holds wisdom your mind alone cannot access. By listening to and supporting your nervous system, you open the door to a more regulated, resilient way of being.

What might change if, instead of fighting your emotions, you let them guide you back to safety?

Emotional regulation doesn't mean never feeling too much; it means knowing how to come back to yourself when you do.